Some Thoughts On Stranger Things 3

I have been through all of the stages of grief with the conclusion of Game Of Thrones, ultimately arriving at a state of zen. Stranger Things 3 was much more disappointing to me, so I am going to record my thoughts here with no particular formal structure while the wound is still fresh. Incidentally, there are a lot of fresh wounds in this show.

This contains spoilers.

Finn Wolfhard at the most awkward point in his life, and possibly anyone’s life who has ever existed. He is not quite a person, merely a pair of legs with a bowl cut. This stage of human development should never be depicted on screen. It’s too graphic.

Everyone in this show is screaming at each other at all times. Nancy and Jonathan – screaming at each other. Steve and Dustin – screaming at each other. Mike and Lucas – screaming at each other. Hopper and every other character – screaming at each other. NO ONE IS NOT BICKERING AT ANY POINT DURING THIS INTERNET TELEVISION PROGRAM.

In fact, Hopper was such a belligerent jackwagon that I was actually very pleased to see him thrown into the upside down. Of course he will un-die in the next season, hopefully in a less screamy form.

Despite having to be Hopper-adjacent for most of the show, Joyce Byers still rules. Winona can do no wrong. I would watch a show of JUST Joyce Byers solving minor mysteries. I also want access to her collection of ringer T’s.

A law of the universe that became apparent when I was watching this: all sci-fi monsters MUST have mouths within mouths. If you don’t have at least THREE telescoping mouths, you are not a proper sci-fi monster in the year 2019.

Eleven’s powers have no logical parameters and feel like a deus ex machina every time she uses them.

I’m sorry, having the passcode of an important vault be a mathematical constant is overwhelmingly stupid. I understand that it serves a plot point, but there is just no plausible justification for anyone choosing that over a random string of numbers.

The resulting scene is one of the strangest things (LOL TITLE OF THE SHOW) that I have ever seen. It’s so weird, so bad, and so uncalled for that it’s almost beautiful. I have to admit I have watched this youtube clip upwards of ten times.

Maybe I should just watch The NeverEnding Story?

Author: hackingcinema

Real engineer. Fake film critic.

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